They Have no Soul

In an effort to refrain from posting unless I actually have something interesting to say, my entries have dwindled significantly. Operating under the assumption that there is a general lack of interest in how busy I am at work and why, which household duties I have neglected and why, I've been trying to come up with some topic that would be at least slightly interesting.

So, here's the story - Friday nights are family movie nights at our house. Eat dinner, blankets in the floor, watch a movie selected by me or Dave. The last part here is critical - WE pick the movie. In an effort to introduce Three Year Old to the classics of family movies, we've been watching the Disney greats - Robin Hood, Peter Pan, Jungle Book - and he loves them.

Plus, there's no way we're dedicating an evening to watching another episode of Dora, Diego, Little Bear, regular Bear, Wiggles, or Wow Wow Fucking Wubbzy.

Last night, we go out for pizza (critical mistake #1), and tell Three Year Old that we are going to watch Pinocchio when we get home (critical mistake #2). Leave the house, drop by the very large video store chain that has eliminated all competition - no Pinocchio. Huh. Strange. Not to be deterred, head out to brief and harrowing pizza experience. Swing by megalomart to pick up Pinocchio - not there. Odd. Drive over to other megahuge electronics store - Pinocchio is MIA.

And now it's a personal challenge. Plus, please see above re: critical mistake #2. Three Year Old now has heart set on viewing the movie we have described in such rich detail. Shit.

At this point, I'm beginning to think there is a conspiracy to ruin the night I look forward to most in the whole week. Briefly consider the fact that I'm being punished because I'm planning to spend money at megahugebigboxstores, comfort self with fact that my preferred locally owned businesses closed an hour ago. My lack of planning surely would not have had this kind of karmic effect.

Go to bigfuckingwarehousestore, talking on cell phone to rep from other megahuge electronics store - two birds, one stone, right? Hopes dashed as I find no Pinocchio on the shelves of the bigfuckingwarehousestore. Rep from other megahuge electronics store explains to me that the reason I can't find this movie is that Disney put it "in the vault". I ask how much money it would take to get it out. She is very kind, and explains to me the concept of the Disney vault, and how it's particularly frustrating to parents who are trying to introduce their kids to their favorite movies from childhood. She's sympathetic, suggests eBay, and wishes me luck.

You can't even RENT the damn things. Guess what Three Year Old asked to see this morning?

I will be going back to Orlando in January, and plan to stage a coup in order to try and get the vault opened. While I may not be steeped in wealth, I have a vast amount of untapped rage that might be useful.

Please start saving now for my bail money.