Monday, November 26, 2007

Owl Be Happy With That...

On this long and wonderful Thanksgiving weekend, we enjoyed a traditional Sunday afternoon feast of wings and fries at Hooters. This doesn't bother me at all. If anything, I'm relieved by visits to Hooters. I'm far too old to worry about competing with the staff (please), and it's refreshing to know that absolutely no one is looking at how many wings I'm eating, or how many fries I'm stealing off Three Year Old's plate. Yes, he was there, too. He likes the Owl Store. I would like any restaurant where they bring me treats for finishing all of my food, too. And, bringing a little boy to Hooters is like having free child care - hey, today's kid is tomorrow's Monday Night Football customer.

So, he gets a little package of crayons and a nifty placemat with pictures to color. I can't recall all of the pictures, there may have been a dinosaur or a bird or some bullshit like that to draw attention away from the three HOOTERS GIRLS for aspiring breast men to color. There's the volleyball girl, with a gigantic rack and washboard stomach. There's the tennis girl, with a gigantic rack and washboard stomach, and (don't say you didn't see this coming) the coup de grace - the cheerleader girl with the winning smile, flat stomach, and a rack you could see from space. I find this very funny, and point it out to Dave, who was also amused. Three Year Old asked me several times what color my shoes were, and I kept repeating that they were black - I was distracted by hunger and the pretty pictures of food in the menu. Finally, Three Year Old, who has figured out that I'm not following, says "Mommy! What color do you WANT your shoes to be? I have green and blue for shoes." I look over, still confused, since he is coloring the picture of the cheerleader. Dave asks Three Year Old, "Who is that a picture of?" and the response from my son who is beautiful, smart, charming, and intelligent says "That's a picture of Mommy."

Suddenly, the prospect of getting wing sauce under my new solarnail fills didn't worry me so much. For just a moment, I had a winning smile, a flat stomach, and a rack you could see from space.

The cheerleader outfit would have to go.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Don't Look a Gift Woody in the Mouth

Strange goings-on at our house.

Per my last post, Woody was MIA. Last night and this morning we *tore*the*house*and*garage*and*cars*apart looking for Woody. Just as Dave was heading out to buy a replacement Woody during Three Year Old's nap, I checked one last time in a bag we had emptied out three times.

Woody was sitting right on top.

There are two explanations for this - the first being that Woody was there all along, and we didn't see him. This, dear readers, is not possible. The second explanation is that Woody had a big night out, meeting with cowgirls at the Caravan and letting them pull his...string, then came back home and waited in a very unlikely place to be found.

Quite frankly, it's creeping me out a little bit.

But, if Woody is indeed capable of moving about on his own volition, like in the movie, he is obviously a benign sort of possessed toy, as he hasn't attempted to kill us in our sleep or anything...yet.

Have I mentioned that one of my greatest fears is dolls that talk? Thank you, Rod Serling's "Twiglight Zone".

As my Dad said, it's probably best not to examine this too closely...just be glad that Woody is home, and don't look a gift Woody in the mouth.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Have You Seen This Woody?

The house is in an uproar. Sheriff Woody is MIA. Out of the 6546168546316 toys that Three Year Old has to play with, he will only be satisfied with Sheriff Woody. To be specific, there are two Woodys in the house - Big Woody and Little Woody. Little Woody is missing. A manhunt is in effect, and an APB has been issued.

Please keep your eyes open for any Woodys, and contact me immediately if you find a Woody hanging out where he shouldn't be. Woody can usually be found in the bedroom, but sometimes is spotted in the living room, and very occasionally in the car. Identifying marks on Woody include a flexible body, a hard head, and a hat that he wears from time to time.

If you get the impression that I'm having fun with this, I'm not. I won't be able to sleep until I find that Woody.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Turning Over a New Leaflet

In an effort to become more frugal and save up money to buy a house, I've started clipping coupons. Does anyone know of websites that are good for useful coupons? I'm looking for primarily grocery store type offers...


Saturday, November 10, 2007

They Have no Soul

In an effort to refrain from posting unless I actually have something interesting to say, my entries have dwindled significantly. Operating under the assumption that there is a general lack of interest in how busy I am at work and why, which household duties I have neglected and why, I've been trying to come up with some topic that would be at least slightly interesting.

So, here's the story - Friday nights are family movie nights at our house. Eat dinner, blankets in the floor, watch a movie selected by me or Dave. The last part here is critical - WE pick the movie. In an effort to introduce Three Year Old to the classics of family movies, we've been watching the Disney greats - Robin Hood, Peter Pan, Jungle Book - and he loves them.

Plus, there's no way we're dedicating an evening to watching another episode of Dora, Diego, Little Bear, regular Bear, Wiggles, or Wow Wow Fucking Wubbzy.

Last night, we go out for pizza (critical mistake #1), and tell Three Year Old that we are going to watch Pinocchio when we get home (critical mistake #2). Leave the house, drop by the very large video store chain that has eliminated all competition - no Pinocchio. Huh. Strange. Not to be deterred, head out to brief and harrowing pizza experience. Swing by megalomart to pick up Pinocchio - not there. Odd. Drive over to other megahuge electronics store - Pinocchio is MIA.

And now it's a personal challenge. Plus, please see above re: critical mistake #2. Three Year Old now has heart set on viewing the movie we have described in such rich detail. Shit.

At this point, I'm beginning to think there is a conspiracy to ruin the night I look forward to most in the whole week. Briefly consider the fact that I'm being punished because I'm planning to spend money at megahugebigboxstores, comfort self with fact that my preferred locally owned businesses closed an hour ago. My lack of planning surely would not have had this kind of karmic effect.

Go to bigfuckingwarehousestore, talking on cell phone to rep from other megahuge electronics store - two birds, one stone, right? Hopes dashed as I find no Pinocchio on the shelves of the bigfuckingwarehousestore. Rep from other megahuge electronics store explains to me that the reason I can't find this movie is that Disney put it "in the vault". I ask how much money it would take to get it out. She is very kind, and explains to me the concept of the Disney vault, and how it's particularly frustrating to parents who are trying to introduce their kids to their favorite movies from childhood. She's sympathetic, suggests eBay, and wishes me luck.

You can't even RENT the damn things. Guess what Three Year Old asked to see this morning?

I will be going back to Orlando in January, and plan to stage a coup in order to try and get the vault opened. While I may not be steeped in wealth, I have a vast amount of untapped rage that might be useful.

Please start saving now for my bail money.

Thursday, November 1, 2007


This time last week Dave and I were pulling into Kansas City on our first vacation in NINE YEARS. The reason for this celebration? Our tenth wedding anniversary! We spent two nights in Overland Park, and we went to the Plaza, Union Station, Downtown, was so great and now I want to move. I want to live in the Plaza and work at Mecca (it's called the Coach store, but hey).

Back in reality, the 3rd quarter results for my company came out today. My friend and coworker Jennifer, who lives in Dayton and is an all around better person than I am, was giving me the high points, since she had actually taken the time to review the documents for tomorrow's conference call. She paused and asked, "do you know we have an account called Fresh and Easy?" At this point, we both realized that the question was not why we had an account with this name, but rather, why we weren't assigned to that account. Imagine how one might answer the phone - "Katy, Fresh and Easy!" The business cards, the party introductions...Jennifer and I worked ourselves into a pretty good giggle fest over this. I shared with Jennifer the name of one of Tulsa's most ubiquitous convenience stores (Kum 'n Go), and she told another coworker. This particular coworker had the win for the day, when she shared the name of a liquor store chain in Kentucky - Liquor Quick. Say it fast (and quietly, if you aren't alone).

Finally, if you haven't seen it before, please take a moment to view this.