Sunday, August 5, 2007

You Can't Always Get What You Want

As an update to yesterday, Dave and I did venture out into the hysteria known as "tax free weekend!" in the hopes of obtaining our needed items. With Jacob in tow as tour guide, we employed a new strategy...we arrive at the stores about 30 minutes before closing time. The end result? Dave found a suitable pair of new work boots at a lower price than anticipated. For me, the psychedelic print shirt was not to be had. I visited my usual provider of psychedelic print shirts, but had to declare no joy after all of my selections made me look like a 5 months pregnant extra from an Austin Powers movie. While this is only a slight departure from my daily goal of looking like an extra from an Austin Powers movie, I just didn't care for the added twist.

So...the list for today will focus on two types of shoppers worthy of LGF:

Type 1 - Shoplifter. If you can't afford the shoes in box A, please do not switch them with the shoes from box B, in order to pay a lower price. I'm not so much concerned with the cost that eventually gets passed back to me, The Consumer - it's just tacky and wrong and stealing. Plus, it confuses those of us who arrive at the shoe boxes after you.

Type 2 - Drive By Parenting Counselor. To the balding man in the blades sunglasses...thank you so much for your editorial comment regarding my child's temper tantrum. It could have been that he was tired, or perhaps impatient, or it could have been your ugly-ass muscle shirt and too-tight shorts. I followed you around the store to intimidate, you, yes...but also to imagine what might have been your rejected wardrobe options for the day. If the sunglasses/shirt/shorts combo you selected is any indication of your life choices, I'll get my advice elsewhere, thanks.


Beaming Technology - OK, I know it wasn't real, but whatever happened to beaming technology? There are some family members and friends I would really like to see, and beaming technology would make that sooooo much easier. Plus, there's the whole issue of being a business traveler who is NOT flying out of a major hub...the only interesting thing about a layover is when you're using it as part of a dirty joke.

Leopard Sandal Thank You Notes - I remember where I last saw you, Leopard Sandal Thank You Notes, but that was one year and two houses ago. You are so cute, Leopard Sandal Thank You Notes, and I have no idea where you might be. I miss you. Call me.

Until tomorrow, when I am less than 12 hours away of leaving for Orlando...

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